Alpha vs. Beta Moms
posted by Lisa RobinsonMonday, December 8th, 2008
Alpha moms aka helicopter parents scare and intimidate me. Unlike the more low key soccer moms, the Alphas attack parenting with the same zeal and organizational prowess that they did in the board room. Blackberries are whipped out at school carpool lines to schedule play dates. Parent meetings, previously and wonderfully laid back, have taken on the air of city council meetings.
As a slacker mom or beta mom I have struggled over the years with the raised eyebrows or shall we say, pregnant pauses, that I seem to evoke when admitting that I didn’t make an open house meeting or could not for the life of me remember the names of the kids, let alone the parents, in my children’s classes. And recently the quintessential slacker versus helicopter moment in my 18-year history arrived. I was at a party where we were discussing the college application process. I asked an Alpha mom how her daughter was handling the stress of college admissions. She laughed and responded with utter candor, “my daughter wouldn’t know, I have written all of her applications.” Instead of the group of moms reeling in horror, bobbing heads went around the room as mom after mom shared what they were doing to “help” their kid get into college. All eyes were on me when the woman asked me how my daughter’s applications were going. A moment of truth in Slackermommia (my new word) – do I or don’t I reveal that my daughter filled out all her applications without my husband or I ever laying eyes on them? Part of me felt horror at these parents who have difficulty allowing their kids to make it on their own. Another part of me felt like the slacker mom I am – it never even occurred to write my daughter’s applications.
When it comes to marketing to moms, conventional wisdom dictates that companies should market to Alpha moms and the Betas will follow. I disagree – from recommended products to parenting, I follow the advice and trends of other betas. While we may not lead the way in hyper-parenting, we certainly have our own and valued opinions about how we raise our children and the products we consume and companies would be wise to speak and market to us differently.
December 9th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Bravo! Isn’t it amazing how social group mores dictate our reactions– if that mom had mentioned this in a group of “betas” there wouldn’t have just been eyebrows raised….
But please don’t call you/us slackers. The opposite of helicopter parents, is, after all, grounded parents– in the best sense. Grounded in reality that overdoing is not a sustainable solution and is in no one’s best interest.
I am a child psychologist working on these issues with the families I see, and have recently written a book about navigating our own anxiety on our children’s behalf and finding ways of encouraging our kids resilience. If you’re interested, it’s Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness. www. freeingyourchild.com
Meanwhile, see you on the ground…..
Tamar Chansky